The Black Dog.

Mental Health. A stigma in Australian society, because we were brought up to believe showing emotion or being deemed as vulnerable is somewhat what ‘weak.’ 

What ‘weak’ is, truthfully. Is not being ‘real.’

Real with your loved ones. Your acquainted, sometimes. But most of all ‘real’ with yourself.

Now, it’s my time to be brutally real with you. I feel extremely vulnerable sharing this with the world. But in the Hope of bringing  a hope to someone who is going through something, similarly. Here goes. You are not alone. 

Although I’ve been infamously known as the happy-go-lucky, always smiling optimistic girl. I’ve suffered bouts of clinical depression for many years of my life, and counting. But it hasn’t, not will it ever. Win. 

It stemmed from a childhood of having a pre-conceived notion of myself, of having to be ‘perfect.’ 

Perfectionism. Literally myself as my own worst enemy. Perfect in everything. From school work. To my career as an athlete and my sporting life. I even Tried to attain what I thought perfection was, in things I could never control, like physical looks

But To what? A materliatic image society has pre-convinced you to believe as sometime you must attain toward. To be successful in life? To be happy?

Ridiculous. 

Now that, is not real. It’s only even lead to feeling like I’ve let myself down. And then in turn my parents, My family or my friends. A feeling of defeat. Because I was trying to live up to the impossible. A standard so high, it didn’t even exist.

How do you tell that little girl, with the world at her feet that – she’s good enough. When she doesn’t believe she ever will be, Because her own mind is the enemy? 

It has its bouts. Sometimes I’m up and forget about it all together. And sometimes I’m down. And I forget about Hope all together.

 I have fought some demons. And continue to. Like we all do. Everyday. But, then when all is said and done. When my serotonin levels are stable. When the world is being kind to me. And I feel truly happy. I think, wow! Maybe I’ve beaten it once and for all, this time! 

That Dog, Comes back and bites again.

It only takes a small thing, like an injury. A family crisis. An episode of challenging self-doubt to make the Big Black Dog, resurface its destruction on my mind, once again. A battle between reality and perfection. Because scientifically my brain no longer produces enough serotonin levels in order keep my mood stable. 

But I have learned to know my limits. To know the warning signs. And then to be kind to myself

And breathe.

I have strategies. I take a self-care day. I go to the beach, which reminds me of home. I feel Safe there. Alone but not lonely. I get lost in the waves and enjoy the sun. And the sand between my toes. Getting lost in the beauty of creation. In the wilderness. On adventures that distance myself from civilisation. 

Or I listen to music and dance, freely. Expressing myself through the melody; unaware of my surrounding. Or Sometimes I just cry. Let the salt of my tears, wash away those bad feelings. Until I can’t cry anymore.

Sometimes I lift. Something heavy. Real heavy. Deadlifts, Preferably. But mostly I run. Around a track. As fast as my body will take me. With every ounce I my being, every muscle I can contract and every breath I have pumping through my lungs. 

But I am blessed. I am continually Reminded, I’m never alone  amongst this sadness. I have God. Who doesn’t want this for me and my life. And I am reminded to have faith in His plans for my future.

I have my family. Who are my biggest unconditional support. Through the highs and the lows. And The Journey. Alongside my partner. Who won’t let me be anything but real with him. And he pushes me, to push myself. To better myself. 

And I have my strength. That always pulls through. That’s unrelenting and stubborn. That will ultimately, help me win this battle. 

But I’ve learned I can only beat this, once and for all – by being real with myself. 100% down.

None of this hiding behind a mask, pretending it’s all okay. Smiling happily, unbewildered to those around me, I’m suffering in silence of a ‘crawl-in-a-ball’ crippling sadness. The kind that that comes back to bite me at the worst possible times of my life. 

It’s about breathing. Relying on myself for healing. Not anyone else. Not any doctors or medication, that I’ve been spoon-fed for years on end.

It’s going to take the deep, wild, unexplored depths of my soul. To fight this. And I really want to fight it. More than anything.

To no longer feel wanting-to-sleep-all-the-time ”tired for no reason.’ Sometimes bouts of emotions that can’t be held in at the most inconveniant times. Like during a university lecture. Or on the train ride home. Or a social event, where the pressure to be ‘perfect‘ and to impress. Becomes all too much. 

And Dog, ol’ pal. I’m done with you. Oh, I am done!

Life isn’t an instagram filter. Or happily airbrushed like it seems on social media. People go through things. Through pain, trials and tribulations, everyday. And that’s part of being tested. Building resilience. Making you grounded. Making you feel.  

But it’s important to also reach out to those who need a shoulder. Please be a listener. Someone next to you might be suffering and you don’t even know it! Create a safe space of sharing and support other humans. It is all too important in our destructive world. Let someone know it’s okay not to be fully okay. And to show the world that. 

One day, I will be free. Free from all of this, bullshit. I will fight this. Because I’m worth it. Because even when there feels like there’s no more hope left. Other people will always have a hope in me. And I have hope in you, too. 

 Never give up on yourself. Even when it seems like the world around you has. You are worth more, than you could ever imagine. 

And someone, somewhere. Is thinking of you. And values you. Without you even realising. 

You got this

The Cost of Ambition

The alarm goes off. Your day begins. It’s still dark outside. You think, ”do I really have to.” Inner you says ”Yes! Rise and grind, girl.”

I’m not a morning person. But it has to get done. Training. Work day. More training. It’s 8:30pm and you’re still in the gym on a Sunday evening, thinking ”What am I even doing here?” Inner you says ”Cause you’ve got work to do.”It’s a constant brain-battle, between your mind and body. 


You know you need to do those early mornings, those late nights. Those extra training sessions. The active recovery. The rehab. The gruelling sports massages and acupuncture sessions to stay uninjured. The Friday nights spent at the gym, instead of at the club with your mates.You need to Work multiple jobs: to sustain this life.

Because you’re not an average human. You’re a person who won’t settle for a mediocre life. You crave something more.Something extraordinary. And you’ll do everything it takes to get there.If you can resonate with this mind-play.

Maybe not resonate directly to lifestyle , as maybe your goal isn’t physical, like mine. Maybe you are studying to better your work life.

Maybe you are working your butt off, in a job you aren’t necessarily passionate about, to better your passions in life. To better someone else’s life that you are responsible for. Or simply to just get by. 

Whatever you’re doing.I encourage you to keep going. Never stop the grind. Every step you aim to better yourself, every step you are closer to those goals.Never settle less, than the life you expected of yourself.

It will all be worth it, oneday soon enough. You’ll know why you had to go through it all. Until then, trust the process. 

You got this

Optimism and the ability to control your mood

When nothing is going right, go left! 
When something goes wrong in your day. It’s incredibly easy to feel like you’ve lost sight of your goals, your regime or your week in general.
And it can be even easier to stress about it, wonder ”why me,” or curl up in a big ball of negativity. But it can also be just as easy to ”roll with it.”

It’s moments like these, where nothing has generally gone to plan. I have to ”breathe” and literally LOL at myself. And think: ”it’s not WHY is this happening.” It’s ”What can I do about it.”

You’re a beautiful ray of sunshine; with control of your life at your fingertips. Don’t let this one silly thing rule you or your day. 
Affirmations: I use these daily. Especially when I think things may have fallen to pieces.

Phrases like: ”I am strong, I am powerful, I can do anything.”Or ”I am the power. I control my destiny.” Emanate especially well, when emotions are running high and all you can think of is that little annoying event that’s blown up in your face. 

When you begin to radiate positivity with your mind. Your body will start to believe it! And you’ll magically feel less stressed, shaky or anxious. 
Deep Breaths. 

Your new diet has totally fallen to pieces? – Start again tomorrow.You’ve broken out right before a big social event?- Go treat yourself to a facial. You’ve had a fight with your partner? Hang out with your fam or your mates to distract you. 
If it’s something I’ve learned…. through all the times life’s thrown a surprise at me.

1) You’re never going to be given something you can’t handle. 

2) There’s always a way around things. 

And chances are someone close to you could be experiencing something similar. Don’t be afraid to admit it’s not all smiles and rainbows. 
Be Real with those close to you and share your feels. You’ll become closer for it and feel supported through it all.

You are your own power. Radiate good vibes and good energy will follow you.  

Alkalize your body – Detoxify your life

With summer on the way, you’ve probably thought about kick-starting that healthy glow to ensure you’re showcasing your best self in that bangin’ bikini.

A simple and easy way to ensure you have a summer-shine, is to play with the notion that ‘’good health starts on the inside.’’ Start thinking about an ‘Alkaline based diet.’

What is Alkaline and what does it do to your body? Alkaline is responsible for keeping tissues supple and reducing inflammation. It helps prevent arthritis, fibromyalgia, irritable bowel disorders as well as cancer. By introducing alkalise you are also improving bone density and reducing the risk of osteoporosis as well as increasing your energy levels, mental clarity and reducing muscle and joint pain.

How to find out if you are alkaline: There is also a simple way to measure how ‘on track’ you are already, to achieving a natural radiance. By using a ‘PH Dip Stick’ purchased from a pharmacy and mixing it with a morning urine sample. This can quickly determine using a PH scale, what level your alkaline-acid is. Low PH readings (below 7.0) are considered acidic. And higher PH readings (above 7.0) are considered alkaline, meaning you have less acidity in your body and on your way to a healthier life.

If your PH reading is high, there is a quick and easy way to recue your body’s acidity, by changing what you put in your body. Alkaline forming foods are the best way to start! Alkaline diet specialists often recommend the 80:20 rule which means to consume around 80% of alkaline forming foods and 20% of acidic foods. It is important to try and eat 5 servings of fruit and vegetables daily, to kick start the process.
Examples include:

  • Leafy dark green vegetables (Spinach, kale, Swiss chard, turnip greens)
  • Root vegetables (Radishes, beets, carrots, turnips, horseradish)
  • Broccoli, cabbage, cauliflower, Brussel sprouts
  • Cucumber
  • Garlic
  • Lemon
  • Apples

While on the road to Alkalinizing your body you should steer-clear of acid forming foods such as:

  • Bacon, Beef, Pork
  • Dairy products
  • Corn
  • Soft drinks
  • Refined sugar

Quick tips for going alkaline
– Start the day with some water and lemon. Add a squeeze of lemon into some lukewarm water and drink before breakfast. This is part of a cleansing process and you’ll surprisingly feel more energised than drinking a cup of coffee.
–  Reduce the amount of wheat, red meat, dairy, refined sugar and alcohol in your diet. All of these can be enjoyed in moderation, but excess amounts can leave you feeling sluggish and bloated.
– Include a good probiotic into your diet, which helps restore good gut flora.

– Cook with coconut or avocado oil. Both of these are ‘’good fats.’’
– Invest in a great greens supplement, like ‘Vita Greens’ or ‘Nature’s Way Super Greens.’ It will optimize the function of all of your body’s systems.

Number 1 tip for changing any diet: persevere. These changes will happen over weeks, rather than hours. Once you conquer the regime, you’ll be bursting with energy all summer long.